Thursday, 16 April 2015

Why I need feminism #thisdoesntmeanyes

This is sort of an addition to the other post and a response to the tag I got today #thisdoesntmeanyes. You see I took the other post down because I got cold feet. I didn't want to get judged or pitied or have people change their opinion of me. I posted it to be a part of getting rid of the stigma but I'm sadly also very much affected by that. So I took it down. I've put it back up now with some edits I left out. But the story is still the same - with one major lie. Yes, I'm continously angry and now I am definitely more Katniss and Tris (violent and shouting) than Bella (jumping off cliffs) (you didn't think I'd go without a literary reference, did you?) and I often feel more like solving my problems with violence - though I never do - but I also know I'm afraid. I probably wouldn't be able to fight off an attacker. So when I stated I wish to have the chance I'm being very theoretic. Thought I should clear that up ;)

If I had been raped when I was 12 I would have lucky compared to if  I was now. Wtf? you're thinking but hear me out: A child is off limits. That's a rule. People would have seen it as no fault of mine. A woman on the other hand... When I run I practice talking to the police, the questions they'd ask. What was I wearing, did I initiate the contact, why was I out alone at night?

And in my head I retort: Would you ask your daughter that? I didn't know there was a curfew for women.

But in reality I very much doubt I'd be so snappy. So instead I run faster, change sidewalks when groups of men approach, turn the music up louder when I pass so I don't hear what they shout. And this is how it is. This is normal. And that is why I fucking need feminism.

#thisdoesntmeanyes #thisdoesntevenmeanhavealook #ImonlysexywhenIsayitsokay




  1. I can understand what you meant by that: in the sense that you'd have a chance to defend yourself in the way you didn't before. It IS horrid to think of what happened to you as a teen and I am sorry that any woman/girl has to feel this way, to be filled with that anger and have faced that.
    I count myself very lucky not to have been attacked in any way. Two incidents that I remember are the fact that I fell asleep once at a party wearing a short skirt and woke up to find my legs being stroked up and down by this guy. I was totally freaked by it and asked him what the F he thought he was doing (I never spoke to him again) and another incident as a teen where I was out shopping in a shop and this boy grabbed at my lady region. Brazen, just like that. I was v shocked but it was done in such a sneaky way I wasn't even sure it had happened! I couldn't put it into words to tell my Mum. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts. X x

    1. Most if not all women have experienced some sort of entitlement to their bodies. In Denmark we currently have a hashtag trending #jegharoplevet (I have experienced) like the English #everydaysexism It horrid reading. But necessary! We have to speak up to make it known that we won't stand for it and that it isn't taboo.

  2. Hello lovely library lady. I saw your story last week and have been thinking of a response since. I have no words really. I was badly bullied until I was 16 and although it isn't the same at all I feel some of your fury and rage and now I'm older I look back at what I experienced as a child and I am horrified. I did come face to face with one of the worst perpetrators and all the angry words I had stored in my head went out the window. I treated her with indifference and it was she who was left shamefaced. She is a mother now herself and I really hope she educates her children to be the opposite to what she was at me at school. These things leave such big scars on us but those scars are sometimes what makes us the people we are. I think you are a very cool lady, I love you wardrobe and your love of books I too share. You inspire me to become more adventurous and you make me smile. There are so many times when we as women are judged on our appearances, our behaviour, our make up, our hair, we have to strive to be equal and we are made to feel obligated and guilty by so many. I run a Girl Guide unit and I really hope the little group of young ladies turn out to be strong & happy women because it is so hard! On another note have you read Alice Sebold Lucky? Not an easy read but definitely one that made me think.

    1. I have not but I will look into that! Thank you for your words and your story. I hope you make a difference for your girls, as a matter of fact I'm sure you do. We remember the good people in our lives.