The Librarian Chronicles: The Children's librarian who doesn't want children

I was never one to swoon over babies. Kittens? Yes. Puppies? Yes. Gross little naked birdlings? Yes. Human babies? Yuck. I have never found them cute and I always panic a little when someone hands me one (and why are babies always passed around parties like joints?).

So why would I want to work with them? Well, first of all I don't dislike children. And I will probably always relate more to children than to adults. I was bullied badly. Books were my friends. The library saved me. I have to pay that back. I want to pay that back.

And if you're a completely normal child (if there is such a thing) with a good, bully-free life, books, movies and comic books can still change your world for the better. I want to be a part of that. I want to see that light ignite in a child's eyes when they discover that book or movie that changes their life forever.

And if the child never discovers a passion for reading I want to help it find the books that are least a chore for them to read when their parents or teachers make them read something and introduce them to comic books and books with online games to make it more interesting. I want to tell them that's okay too. We're all different and whatever they like, gaming, playing soccer or drawing is great too! And tell them that they are not stupid or ignorant because they don't like reading.

Also how can you possibly have children when you'd happily push them out of the way to have your picture taken with giant plushies? ;)

And I want to help the parents when they are frustrated that their kid doesn't like to read. Tell them that their kids are going to be alright anyway. And I want to tell the parents who's kid reads all the time and doesn't like hanging out with the other children; that kid is going to be alright too.
I want to encourage them to talk with their children and find out if these are choices or if they do this because they don't know how else to act. If the kid who doesn't read just hasn't found anything of interest. If the child who reads all the time is actually lonely and doesn't want to say it and make his parents sad.

Basically I want to help and inspire children. I want to find alternatives the library can provide for those who don't like books. And to make sure that there's still books for those who do. I want the library to be a safe haven for all children where they can nourish already existing or find new interrests, where you don't have to be quiet and where it's alright to play and have fun just as it's alright to find a quiet place and do your homework or read a book. Where you can play the computer games your guardian won't let you have at home or can't afford. I want the library to be a place that breaks down financial inequality. To give the less fortunate children the same cultural possibilities as the well off have. Whatever choices the parents have made it shouldn't affect their children.

I have many reasons not to want children. The first and most important is simply that I don't want to. Secondly that I have horrible genes - we are all mad here. I mean that literally. My uncle comitted suicide, my dad is prone to depressions, as am I - and anxiety attacks. I have anger mangement issues (bet you hadn't guessed that! But you should see me in traffic). I am (very) financially irresponsible. I am selfish. But all that is just icing on the cake that is: I have no desire to be a mother. I know many people concider their pets fur babies and call them selves their mother. Even that I shy away from. I care for them and I love them to death but I am not their mother.

I am Kathrine Quite-Ordinary-Summers-Day-born, mother of noone, breaker of oh well glasses on occassion I guess.

But I am frequently told I will change my mind. I get told I will live and die alone. That I will regret my life and my decisions. That I will never know real love. That my life will never mean as much as that of one who has children. That I am unnatural. And then a few more times that I will change my mind/regret it when I'm old.

I will not. I will make my own choices and to hell with society and anyone who tells me I live my life the wrong way. There is no wrong way.

Xoxo,

Kathrine